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Married, but still single…


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Married, but still single…

Dear Men, before you plan on going to war, please consider this:

You never know until you are there, how did they manage? I mean without a sustainable job, at 4:00am Monday to Saturday all these years, yet no one offers her a hand going to the market to get goods. All her profit goes straight to her children’s school fees, clothes and meals. Any leader who does not respect her was born of a woman like her. Any manager was born of a woman like her. Any lawyer came out of a womb like hers. Presidents are nursed by strong single-handed woman encouraging them to be stronger. When a child of hers goes astray she would never hesitate to get him out of misery. Any heartless human being came out of her, but still, she never feels ashamed to acknowledge that the child belongs to her and that one day he will change his ways.

Everybody is always shouting that she is a bad mother and asking her why she never did this or that. She would frequently be asked; why did you spare the rod? Helplessly with her tears falling, she would still plead for the child’s forgiveness. When the world is ready to devour her, she never gives up on her children. When war is planned against a clan, tribe, country or the world, she ends up suffering the most. Watching her child being raped or sodomized, her husband killed, her children slaughtered in front of her eyes, but she still never gives up with the hope that one day justice will be found. That the hope she has kept would keep the world calm and humans coexist peacefully. She would never give up on humanity.

She is still full of sympathy, acknowledging the fact that comes with the difficulties of pregnancy that go with bringing a human being forth on earth. 3 months of feeling pathetic, nausea, and unable to stand any aroma from onions. Lest you forget, she has children and a husband waiting on her to cook. Adding on, is the exploitative world of health care, clinic checkups which cost more than a 4 month budget. Gynecologist visits and blood booster injections, and another 3 months of no comfortable sleeping position. The baby playing in her womb during weird hours of 2.00am. At times she is so thirsty and she must drink a lot of water in preparation for the due date. She has to deal with all types of fumes in the cities, strong sprays in the public transport vehicles, arrogant conductors, or passengers sitting next to her with zero understanding of her struggles. Impatient human beings around who are too busy to excuse her.

The worst part comes when she is in labor. Some rude nurses and stressed doctors who got used to emergency mode go as far as beating her while she is in labor. Some nurses are involved in the deaths of babies, whereas others are too preoccupied with funny videos forwarded to their phones, at the expense of the patient in the delivery room. The tragedy of this is that when the woman gets cold, she would probably end up sick or develop complications with a lifetime worth of damage. The annoying part is that she would later be slammed with a bill she cannot afford to pay.

Back at home she would be lucky to find sufficient help during this painful recovery episode. Her ribs going back to their normal position while birth canal bruises take months to heal. Her backbone is extremely weak and she cannot even take a proper bath. Cleaning her infant is a tough task but, in few months, she will be forced to work with her baby on her back for hours. I wonder how such a lady would still put a smile on her face. Sadly, you would find that her husband is relentlessly in demand of late-night conjugal ‘rights’ which she would so often go out of her way to fulfill,despite her unstable mental health. Any straightforward mother would tell you that it is painful breast feeding a baby and especially with growing teeth cutting through her nipples. Unfortunately, all we do is that we go ahead and ignore all of this.

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My question is this; while she is going through this, where is her husband? Probably, he is in the house, drunk as crazy, at the mistress’ house having ‘fun’ because apparently, he cannot wait that long for her healing, which is months in the making, or  he is in a club with his friends being called big names reminding each other going home early is not manly. The other question is where is her husband when she walks out at 4.00 o’clock in the morning without escort or in the market lifting heavy loads by herself, or in the hospital needing protection from being mistreated or when she is feeding the family alone? No, it feels like she is still single. Afrikan queen, mother of mankind and all women all over the world, I Salute you! Our heroines, our shock absorbers, pro-creators of lives and careers, inspiration of our soldiers.

May I never forget you; may I never disrespect or raise my voice against you. With hidden tears, you are brave, tough and fearless. Our great women you are always giving almost everything the world needs, even by borrowing from others to make sure none is left out. Our mums, our wives, our sisters, our neighbors you possess strong bodies that receive all kinds of verbal insults and physical assaults. Emotionally disrespected these are the heroines we never crown.

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